I'm always reticent about vacationing with anyone other than my closest kin-at least with family I know that sooner or later we'll forgive each other for our transgressions and get on with being family. This nugget of wisdom has not come to me easily and I exhale a long sigh, thinking about some of the great friendships I've had go down the drain after spending more than 3 consecutive days together.
I wistfully remember taking our 5 year old son on a ski trip to the Alps with some friends who had rented a chalet. We got along famously with the other couple and our children played together well. What we didn't count on was the fact that the couple detested each other (news to us) and bickerd and gave each other the silent treatment practically our entire holiday. I knew we were in trouble when they started passing messages through us. It went something like this, "Tell her it'll be a cold day in...". Not a day in the park if you know what I mean. I was privy to so much animosity during that trip that my best friend had to promptly end our friendship upon our return to the city. This couple finally did get a divorce and I see my friend from time to time now but things never were quite the same after that.
Another trip that ended a friendship (which was probably already on the rocks) was when I invited a friend and her 2 kids to join me for week in Normandy. I paid for the rental of the house as I knew the owners and assumed my friend would pick up the tab for a few restaurants to even things out. What a huge mistake on my part. It was during this trip that I learned how important it is to be clear about money. My friend never offered to pay for a single thing. No wine, flowers or even the token gift! Things weren't helped by the fact that both of her children whined during the whole trip. All physical activities solicited complaints: the bikes were too hard to pedal, the water was too cold, the beach was too far from the car. I felt so angry after that vacation that I had to go on another vacation shortly after that (without them) just to get over it.
Sometimes circumstances are such that I don't actually choose to vacation with others. My husband's family owns a beach house which all of the family has acess to. So you can well imagine my relunctance to knowingly go to the vacation house when I find out that finally my sister-in-law will be there with her 3 small children. I actually like her just fine, but the idea of all the "unknowns" sends me into waves of panic.
I am happy to report that after 6 days with my in-laws relationships are still intact. Maybe it was because the kids got along so well, or her fine cooking that forced me to loosen my belt, but I actually enjoyed her company. We share similar outlooks on childrearing and she's well travelled and tells some pretty good stories. Okay-okay, I don't really get her whole system of 20 bowls of leftovers in the fridge or all the food she kept stocked away in the pantry. But who really cares? People are different, somewhat neurotic and when they make decisions about things they are not thinking, "Will this make Nikki happy?" No, they are thinking about themselves and rightly so! Accepting people for who they are, reveling in the things you have in common and accepting the differences creates the rich tapestry of human relations. I figure it's the best philosphy I can have at this point in life, after all what's the other choice? I guess I could just go off by myself somewhere but then who would I complain about?
No comments:
Post a Comment